Change That Feels Good

If we are decided to grow, we are decided to change. No matter how positive that line sounds, the truth is that experiencing change in our behaviour patterns is traumatic and sometimes not so much fun, at least while in the process.

Do we want more of the same? We can go along the same road we've gone for years.
Do we want something different? If so, there is no other way than changing.

The little detail here is that often, when we change one thing, other changes come as result, attached, some of which we couldn't anticipate in the first place. But as long as we are strong and decided of the road we are taking, solutions will appear too and an awesome feeling of success will fill our hearts.

In the past ten days I've been faced with several stressful situations and stressful pieces of news. I fell down the hole quite deep but always bearing in mind that I wanted to be well, and I wanted to get up, and things were going to be ok. And, just as a snowball, negative issues kept coming to me, and I kept looking for ways to feel good. And it worked!

Just like a very well thought architecture, I was supported by positive friends, some of them 'super new' in my life. They appeared at the right moment, saying the right words, and doing the right things. Is that 'luck'? No, I don't think so. That's a part of the big plan life has for me and a consequence of my actions which are consciously allowing that plan to take place.

The situation that triggered these days of growth was in itself a very important life lesson. A couple of months ago I had met a man I liked very much and with whom I had had a lot of fun. I lived the experience full of positive feelings and thoughts and I doubt I could have done anything to live that experience better. However, he was not as attracted to the relationship as I was, and finally things came to a full stop. The first inner reaction felt super bad but as days went by I was empowered by it and its consequences, which were so many.

I specially value the fact that I was able to say "this is not what I want" when I realized we wanted different things. That's a very healthy pattern change to me and probably the turning point to making good choices.

I kept looking for ways to feel good, and I found them.

I was given support from unimaginable resources, some of them amazingly unimaginable!- and I opened myself to embrace them. I gave them a good place in my heart and let that warm feeling soothe my whole self.

In the meantime, new negative things kept appearing here and there: bad news of all sorts, in all areas. And I stubbornly focused on the good and looked for ways to feel better; it just worked; it worked soooo well that I survived the news that he--another he--got married... and it was an amazingly easy survival, in fact. It was plain acceptance; plain allowance; plain certainty that things are just the way they have to be, and that with each step in life, I am a better person.

One of my friends from PDP wrote to me today:

"When releasing old patterns of relationship, a challenge arises when something attractive but unworkable presents itself.
The process is partly clearing out the old pattern and partly becoming quite consciously aware of one's choice of direction.
Deliberately releasing the unworkable opens the door for what one really intends."

There's much wisdom in these words and I intend to apply it in its full extent. The challenge keeps being to make my heart and my mind understand eachother. Very often they want different things and due to the roads I've taken in the past, my mind prevails in most of my decisions. Giving a place of privilege to the heart has 'heartfelt' consequences like marvelous feelings of enchantment or strong pain. I think I can cope with living my life heartfully and it's certainly lots of fun!

During these days I had the support of an amazing amount of amazing people. I'd like to say thanks now.

Thank you Caro for always being there, for all that sharing, and for loving Pedro and me so much.
Thank you Jordan for being the family I always wanted to have and finally found! I L-O-V-E you.
Thank you g for having told me words I would have never expected to hear from you and for choosing the right moment.
Thank you Cláudia for the vibrational synchronization and warm-feeling conversations. For the music too.
Thank you Kim for that wonderful talk. I felt so good after we hung up!
Thank you Lexi for your warm-feeling message and for caring.
Thank you Sarah for sending me assignments.
Thank you René for your friendship and permanent support. Knowing that you're in my life makes a big difference.
Thank you Martín for making my heart jump of pure joy.
Thank you Pedro for being such an awesome son.

And last but not least, thanks to myself for being aware; wanting to change; growing up; daring; and living the life I want to live.